You Get a Car! And You Get a Car...

We all know that Miss E's batsuit is one of her favourite things. I was thinking today that, in her first five months, she has identified a number of other favourite things.

As I thought about Miss E's favourite things, my neurons connected me to Oprah and her favourite things. As Wikipedia carefully explains, "Oprah's Favourite Things" was an annual segment that appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show from 2002 to 2010... the audience members that were present during the taping of the episode receive items from that year's list for free.

In 2004, every audience member received a brand new car worth approximately $30,000. You get a car! And you get a car! EVERYBODY GETS A CAR!

This made me think... if Miss E was the host of a self-titled, multi-award-winning, nationally syndicated talk show, which had become the highest-rated program of its kind in history, what items would she be giving away in her annual favourite things segment?

If you were lucky enough to be in her audience today, you would receive three things:

1. Oven mitt!

You get a mitt! And you get a mitt! EVERYBODY GETS A MITT!

She loves this oven mitt with a passion. The only thing she loves as much as this mitt is the matching mitt that goes on your other hand.

She loves it when the mitts grab her cheeks.

She loves it when you use it as a puppet and it talks to her.

She loves it when the mitts dance around the kitchen - especially when they "vogue" 90s Madonna style.

Price: It is hard to put a price on this mitt. It has survived Mr. B's bachelor cooking and now resides peacefully in the second drawer down in our kitchen.

Side note: you may be able to see that I am modelling a polar fleece top as well as an oven mitt. Polar fleece is also one of Miss E's favourite things. Her love for polar fleece has been largely bred from familiarity: I have worn polar fleece almost every day since she was born.

2. Galah hand puppet!

You get a galah hand puppet! And you get a galah hand puppet! EVERYBODY GETS A GALAH HAND PUPPET!

Item #2 is actually very closely related to item #1. 

When I saw how much Miss E loved the oven mitt, I thought to myself, "Self, you need to buy this child a hand puppet".

So, off we went today and we found the galah hand puppet at our local op shop. I popped it into the washing machine and the galah hand puppet is as good as new.

After we returned home, we discovered that the galah hand puppet also has a squeaky noise feature. Love it. It has quickly rocketed up the "Miss E's favourite things" list. 

Price: $3. 

3. Night-Night, Baby!

You get Night-Night, Baby! And you get Night-Night, Baby! EVERYBODY GETS NIGHT-NIGHT, BABY!

Sometimes Miss E lies under her playgym and expresses her general dissatisfaction with the world around her. You show her Night-Night, Baby and she loves the world again.

I think she is secretly in love with the baby on the cover.

If she had fine motor skills, the cover of this book would probably be covered with texta love hearts.

If she had fine motor skills, Internet access and a credit card, she'd probably buy the domain: www.ilovenightnightbaby.com.

Night-Night, Baby is not a particularly compelling read. It contains photos of a racially diverse group of babies as they complete their daily routine (e.g. eat, have a bath, and, of course, go to sleep). It lacks a convincing protagonist and a plot. However, Miss E loves it. Maybe it is like reading Who magazine for babies. She likes to know what the other babies are up to.

Price: $6.60 at The Book Depository.

My three key points:

1. Miss E is probably not quite ready for her own, self-titled talk show. We'll re-assess at 12 months.

2. Miss E needs to build stronger relationships with luxury brands so that she has some better stuff to give to her studio audience.

3. Babies really don't care about price when it comes to determining their favourite things.

Community service announcement

I am interrupting normal Three Key Points programming today to bring you a community service announcement.

I received an early morning text from my Mum today. Early morning text messages can be great (e.g. Baby X was born at 3am....) but they can also be not so great. This one was not so great. Mum was letting me know that she had fallen victim to a telemarketing remote access scam.

My mum is a very smart, very switched on lady. She would not claim to be an IT genius and she is not going  to be a CTO any time soon, but she knows her way around a computer. She is a one-woman promotion machine for this blog (thanks Mum), we are friends on Facebook and she loves to do a little online shopping now and again. She is no dummy.

Mum and I agreed that more people need to know about this scam so here is the story of what happened:

1. Mum received a phone call from a company claiming that they were aware of problems with the virus software on her computer. They sounded legitimate and professional. They emphasised the urgency of resolving this problem. Apparently, they will often claim to be calling from Windows, Microsoft, Telstra or BigPond.

2. They got her to go to their website and directed her to some links that made her believe there were serious problems with the computer.

3. They gained remote access to my Mum's computer and also obtained her credit card details to charge her for their "services".

4. They made several follow-up phone calls over the course of the evening.

5. Mum became suspicious. She googled. She realised she had been scammed.

This scam appears to have been going strong since about 2009 and it seems that they have been working their script to prey on common computer-related fears.

Once we realised the scam had happened, this is what we did:

1. Alerted the bank and cancelled the credit card.

2. Sought consultation from the people we know who fall into the category of "IT genius".

3. Made an appointment with Geeks2U - mum will be getting a home visit tomorrow to have her PC fully checked.

4. Called the police.

5. Posted on the Whirlpool forum for advice and moral support. I posted on this thread - http://forums.whirlpool.net.au/forum-replies.cfm?t=1200200&p=61 - it was started back in 2009 and is still being updated regularly.

6. Called Scamwatch - a division of the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission. They have lots of info on this scam.

My call to Scamwatch revealed the following:

1. Scamwatch receive thousands of calls per week and the vast majority are on this scam.

2. The scammers will probably try to call my mum again.

3. Scamwatch have never received reports of identity theft stemming from this scam... their main focus seems to be to get the credit card details and make the single charge.

This scam makes me so mad, but I did read some funny responses that some IT savvy people have given when the scammers have called them. This is one of my favourites:

Responded to the question, "I understand your computer is running slowly, is that right?" with "No, actually my computer is, very literally, the fastest computer in the entire world." They hung up.

And this is another good one:

1. Pretend you know nothing whatsoever about computers. "The window? You mean the square box thing?"

2. Fake shock and concern that there is something wrong with your computer, thank them for taking the trouble to help you fix it.

3. Ask how much it is going to cost and whether they accept credit cards. Pretend to be really stupid.

4. Ask them to hold while you find your credit card.

5. Check the phone periodically. If you need to use it tell them actually you realised you are running Linux and none of what they said was making any sense to you because you were in terminal mode, but that the windows and everything sounded very nice while you were waiting for your compile to finish.

My three key points:

1. The people who are most likely to be victims of this scam won't be reading blogs or forums to learn about it. Please tell the story of what happened to my mum to all of your friends and family who you think could be at risk (even if you think it is a low risk, just tell them about it anyway).

2. You can sign up for e-mail alerts from Scamwatch. When a scam is on their radar and has been added to their website, you can be alerted. Even if you'd be unlikely to fall for a scam, it could be worth signing up so that you can spread the word and protect the people. I have signed up and it was easy. Next time you see me, I'll probably warn you about a scam so be prepared for that.

3. Stranger Danger! Don't take lollies from strangers. Don't let strangers into your computer.

If you'd like to learn more about this scam, check out these resources:

• Those 'PC virus' phone call scams: the unanswered questions
• 'Microsoft support centre' scam continues, and takes turn for worse
• Indian Microsoft Telemarketing Scam
• The unstoppable tech support scam
• Support on click - reading the fine print
• Update on Support on Click

10 reasons I should not watch Junior MasterChef

While I am fully aware that I am not Australia's next MasterChef, I do enjoy watching television programs that have the word "MasterChef" in the title.

Case in point: Junior MasterChef.

The 2011 season of Junior MasterChef kicked off last night.

I have mixed emotions about Junior MasterChef.

I watch it, but it feels wrong.

I decided to work through my feelings and, in doing so, identified ten reasons I should not watch Junior MasterChef:

1. I cry when a contestant hugs his/her Mum.

2. I cry again when a contestant hugs his/her Nana.

3. I cry, yet again, when a contestant forgets to turn on the oven.

4. I get mad when a contestant uses the word, "acidity".

5. I get very mad when a contestant uses the word, "caramelisation".

6. I get very very mad when a contestant says, "Nicely done" to a judge cracking open a lobster.

7. I am perplexed by a contestant who makes pasta 2 - 3 times per week. Two words for her: Latina Fresh.

8. I feel disappointed in my own dinner - lamb chops with steamed vegetables (prepared in 12 minutes).

9. I feel very disappointed in my own dessert - Goulburn Valley fruit cup (prepared in 0 minutes).

10. I look at the 5 month old Miss E and wonder how long it will be before she can prepare a Spinach & Feta Beef Roast with Jus, Parsnip & Potato Mash, Roasted Truss Tomatoes & Broccolini.

My three key points:

1. Young children competing on television is both wrong and compelling.

2. It is possible to have too many feelings.

3. Where can I get one of those Junior MasterChef aprons for Miss E?

Polite fury unleashed on gardener

Late last week, Miss E and I were enjoying some quiet time when I noticed, what appeared to be, a hole in the bedroom window. It was not a massive, London-riots style hole, but still, it appeared to be a hole in the window.

I immediately investigated. At first, I could not believe it was a hole. I touched it. The tip of my finger was outside! No!

Using powers of deduction honed through the many hours of my childhood spent reading Trixie Belden and watching Murder She Wrote with my Nana, I quickly identified the culprit.

It was: The Gardener in the Garden with the Whipper Snipper.

I quickly tracked down the phone number for the gardener for our block of units and I prepared to unleash my fury on him.

Now, I should explain. My fury, even when it has been unleashed, is quite a polite fury. But, still, it is fury.

The conversation went like this:

My polite fury: Oh, hello Gardener! You appear to have made a hole in our window. Please come. Please resolve the hole situation!
Mild-mannered Gardener: No worries.

Oh. That was easy. I guess my fury showed him.

So, he came. He came the next day to investigate. He was lovely. He explained that this was only the second time that this had happened in twenty-seven years of gardening.

He returned this Wednesday with his gardening offsider. They expressed concern for the sleeping Miss E who was in the room requiring the new glass. We all agreed it would be wise to move her into her pram. They replaced the glass themselves. Apparently, gardeners are also glaziers.

He will be returning next week to touch up the window frame paint that got a little chipped.

My fury is now back on its leash.

That'll do, fury, that'll do.

My three key points:

1. Broken glass is bad news. While I enjoy the Annie Lennox ditty, "Walking On Broken Glass", I do not like to actually walk on broken glass.

2. Accidents happen. Especially when using a whipper snipper.

3. Polite fury can be effective. Unleash your polite fury once in a while.

Getting out of a batsuit is harder than it looks

If, by some lucky coincidence, you happen to hit on something that your baby loves (e.g. a dummy, being held all the time, listening to Fleetwood Mac on repeat), you will inevitably hear comments of this nature: "you're making a rod for your own back there".

In my opinion, the focus on rods being created for backs is very negative. My view has always been: if you find something your baby loves, be happy about it. Rejoice in your genius as a parent.

When comments have been made to me regarding the rod and the back, I have happily said to Mr. B, "Mr. B, WHEN and IF there is a problem, we will deal with that problem at that time. Let us bask in our genius. And turn up that damn Fleetwood Mac, she can't sleep if she can't hear it".

Well, it seems that one of the problems that I had put in the "WHEN and IF" category has jumped on an express train and is headed right for our door. Look out.

We have a problem. Let me explain.

When Miss E goes to sleep, she looks a little like this:

Please note that this is not an actual picture of Miss E. This picture is from the Love to Dream website and depicts a baby in the Love to Dream - Love to Swaddle UP Original.

In our household, we refer to the Love to Swaddle UP Original as the batsuit.

Miss E loves the batsuit. She loves it with a passion. She is addicted to it. The batsuit is like crack cocaine to Miss E.

If you are not familiar with the joy that is the batsuit, you may be wondering: Why, Suse, why does Miss E love the batsuit?

Let me tell you why Miss E loves it so:

Reason #1
If an over-enthusiastic pregnant person (e.g. me) has ever forced you to look at pics of a baby in the womb, you may have noticed that the baby's hands are up by his or her face. So, one reason Miss E loves the batsuit is that it allows her hands to be up near her face and that reminds her of when she was free-floating in the womb of happiness.

Reason #2
It allows her to suck on her hands and this gives great comfort to Miss E. And it seems that sucking on hands through batsuit fabric is the tastiest and most comforting thing in the world.

Reason #3
If Miss E stirs in her sleep, she has a tendency to throw her arms out and this freaks her out. A freaked out Miss E is an awake Miss E and this is bad news in the early hours of the morning. In her batsuit, her arms aren't going anywhere and her little bod is safely contained which is how she likes it.

I am also passionately in love with the batsuit. My reasons are far simpler than Miss E's:

Reason #1
She sleeps in it.

Reason #2
She looks cute in it.

Reason #3
She sleeps in it.

So, now you might be thinking: What is the problem?

The problem is that Miss E loves the batsuit so much, we can't get her out of it.

Without the batsuit, she can't sleep.

You might be thinking: Why don't you just let her keep sleeping in it?

Oh, dear reader, believe me, if it was up to me, I would. I would buy a Janome and learn to sew and make them for her myself. If it were up to me, she would be a middle-aged, married woman, zipped up in a batsuit, sleeping happily next to her husband.

But it is not so simple. As soon as babies start to roll, they can't be in a batsuit anymore. They can roll onto their tummy and the little batsuit that they love so much can prevent them from rolling back. This presents a whole world of danger for Miss E.

We have to get her out of the batsuit.

Hello Rod, welcome to my Back.

About a week ago, I thought to myself, Miss E is pretty chilled out, she might just let the batsuit go with no worries. Well, I tried putting her to sleep without her batsuit and Miss E went from chilled out to FREAKED OUT over the course of about ten minutes. I'd say her thought process went a little like this:

• Here I am in my bassinet. Oh! Hello hands! How strange to see you guys. I don't normally see you here.
• Hands running down the side of a bassinet makes an interesting noise. I will lie here and listen to that for a few minutes.
• Okay, hands, stop making that noise now. Stop it. You are FREAKING ME OUT. STOP IT! OKAY, I'M AWAKE.

At this point, I wasn't too worried. I thought to myself, "Self, you went in too hard, too fast; what we need here is a phased approach".

So, the next night, we kicked off our phased approach.

I unzipped the bottom half of the batsuit so that her little legs had a little more wriggle room. Note: her whole body was still inside the batsuit. Miss E was onto me. And she seemed to know where the phased approach was heading. And she did not like it.

At this point, I thought to myself, "Self, you are tired. You are too tired to implement a phased approach. Zip her up and deal with it at some future point".

The future is now. 

My three key points:

1. Miss E loves the batsuit.

2. I love the batsuit.

3. Send up the bat signal over our bassinet, because we are in trouble.

I am not Australia's next MasterChef

I like to think of myself as always being open to the many possibilities that life presents. However, I am aware, and have come to terms with the fact, that I will never be Australia's next MasterChef.

As you may know, I like to shop where a MasterChef shops, but I am under no illusion that this actually helps me cook like a MasterChef cooks.

If I could shave 10 years (or so) off my age, I might qualify for Junior MasterChef. But, even if I did, let's face it, those kids would totally own me.

Despite my limitations in the kitchen, I do like to eat. I like to eat very much. And, in order to have things to eat, I must cook. Mr. B also enjoys eating, and he is a joy to cook for as he enthusiastically embraces (almost) everything I produce from the kitchen.

A new feature of my life is the weekday, day-time visitor. It  seems that my lovely visitors are aware of my limited kitchen-related skills and rarely expect me to feed them. However, I have found that it is very satisfying to feed people who come to visit.

So, for others who may also like to eat or to feed others, I would like to share my adventures in the kitchen.

Earlier today, I prepared Nutty No-Oven Required Muesli Bar Slice and I would like to share that with you.

Things You Need:

• 4 cups of cereal/nuts/seeds/dried fruit/coconut (whatever you can find really)
• 125g butter
• 4 tablespoons peanut butter
• 4 tablespoons honey

Things You Don't Need:

• Sugar (Mr. B is very health conscious so I make this slice without adding any sugar).

What You Need to Do:

Step 1 - Find a mixing bowl and slice tray. Dig out whatever cereals/nuts/seeds you can find in your pantry. At this stage, the slice will look something like this: 

Step 2 - Measure out four cups of whatever you found in the pantry and put it in the mixing bowl. This morning, I used 1 cup of Rice Bubbles, 1/4 cup of Guardian crumbs, 3/4 cup of pepitas and sunflower seeds, 1/2 cup of crushed peanuts, 1/2 cup of Carmans muesli (I love Carmans with a passion but we're on a budget so I am restrained in my use of it), 3/4 cup of dessicated coconut and 1/4 cup of sesame seeds. That should add up to 4 cups. At this stage, the slice looks like this:

Step 3 - Melt the butter, peanut butter and honey. Trying to measure out 4 tablespoons of honey is annoying. Take deep breaths. Bring it to the boil and let it simmer for 5 minutes. It will look a bit like this:

Step 4 - Combine the melted stuff with the dry stuff in the bowl. Mix it together. It will look like this:


















Step 5 - Grease your slice tray with margarine or butter. Whack the mixture into the slice tray. It will look a bit like this:

Step 6 - Put it in the fridge. You have to store it in the fridge because the butter is holding it together. If the butter melts, it is all over for this slice. It will look a bit like this:

My three key points:

1. When you're tired, it's hard to concentrate to measure out four cups of anything. Try to maintain your concentration to count to four. From there, the recipe is pretty easy.

2. When the butter, peanut butter and honey are melting it is easy to get distracted by a) iPhone b) Facebook c) e-mail d) sleeping baby e) texting mum/husband/sister/mothers group buddies f) all of the above. Try not to get too distracted. You really should stir it a bit. It can burn. Trust me.

3. Use sugar. I know some people (e.g. Mr. B) are health conscious but it really is tastier with sugar. Just don't tell them about the sugar. Use this recipe. It uses sugar and it really is nicer. As I said, I am not Australia's next MasterChef.

The Germans know how to build a vacuum cleaner

Yesterday, Miss E and I took delivery of a new Miele vacuum cleaner.

In the interests of frugality, Miss E and I are somewhat restrained when it comes to online shopping so this delivery was an exciting event.

Our old Hoover Hero (which I had inherited from my Nana) went to Hoover Hero Heaven about two weeks ago. Her head broke first. I bought her a new head as I had decided that it would be more cost effective than buying a whole new vacuum cleaner. Sadly, on the very same day that I bought her a new head, her hose broke. I decided that she was trying to tell me that it was all over for her and embarked on the search for a new vac.

I contemplated buying an Aldi cheapie but decided that a higher quality vac would be a better investment.

And so commenced the product research.

If you have ever worried that your knowledge of vacuum cleaners is not all that it could be, check out this Whirlpool forum. It will blow your mind. There are a lot of people out there giving a lot of thought to their vacuum cleaners. Good on them. It helped me. After reading the thoughts of people on this forum, we bought a Miele S5211. I haven't read the original source document, but apparently, it placed second in an April 2010 Choice test of vacuum cleaners priced between $250 - $600 (only losing out to another Miele).

The very best price I could find was online at Billy Guyatts.

It was love at first sight for me and the Miele. It was this image on the box that got me:

Look at the woman, she is sleeping. Look at the man, he is vacuuming. How lovely.

NB: I do not mean to imply that I have never seen a man vacuum before. In fact, Mr. B vacuums our home far more regularly than I do. I do like to see a man vacuuming but, even more than that, I like to see a woman sleeping. Good on her.


I freed the Miele from her packaging and fired her up. Here are my three key points:

1. The Miele is beautiful. I have never owned such a beautiful vacuum cleaner. It only comes in one colour and that colour may not be everyone's cup of tea but it is mine. It has its own set of little brushes that it stores in its own little on-board compartment. When you pause in your vacuuming (maybe to admire your work), the hose stands up by itself rather than spreading itself all over the floor. Tidy.

2. The Miele is not as silent as I had hoped.The Miele website features a pic of a sleeping baby.

If you associate a product with a sleeping baby, you can pretty much guarantee that a new mum will buy it.

Sadly, the Miele did not put Miss E to sleep.

In fact, Miss E was asleep (in another room) when I decided to give the Miele a go. I carefully turned it to the so-called "silent" setting... and a few minutes later she was awake.

The Miele had broken my cardinal rule: never wake a sleeping baby.

However, I cannot blame the Miele. There is a correlation between the Miele and Miss E waking but I cannot prove causality. Sadly, correlation is enough for me to be too scared to conduct further testing.

3. Most importantly, the Miele sucks up everything that is a) not octopus strapped to the floor and b) will fit into its cylindrical belly. Note to self: must ensure Miss E is safely secured before vacuuming around her as fishing her out of Miele's belly would not be fun for either of us (Note to reader: please do not report me to child protection. I do not actually believe the Miele could vacuum up Miss E and, even so, will not even try to vacuum anywhere near Miss E -  refer to point 2 above).

Henry VIII: King of England and Very Bad Husband - Part 1

Henry VIII is definitely one of the worst husbands in history.

I am currently reading a novel entitled (somewhat confusingly) The Autobiography of Henry VIII and it certainly highlights his failings as a husband.

When Mr. B (definitely not one of the worst husbands in history) and I were happily honeymooning in England last year, I was very excited to visit Hampton Court Palace, often referred to as "the home of Henry VIII". Hampton Court Palace was where I discovered my passion for the historical re-enactment. To the delight of Mr. B, I spent a great deal of our honeymoon hunting down more historical re-enactments for us to enjoy. My secret goal was always for us to be picked from the crowd to actually participate in the re-enactment. Mr. B caught onto this pretty quickly and was always standing by with the camera so that he could photograph my enthusiastic participation.

In fact, when the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull delayed our return to Australia (thank you Iceland), I made a solo return visit to Hampton Court Palace to further indulge my passion for the historical re-enactment.

I digress.

Henry VIII's behaviour was so outrageous that it makes today's celebrity and royal scandals look as innocent as a baby lying in a pram beside her mum as she updates her blog (shout out to Miss E there).

So, as I read The Autobiography of Henry VIII, I will update you, three key points style, so you can share in my shock at Henry's bad husband behaviour.

Here is the first update:

1. Henry's older brother, Arthur, marries Katherine of Aragon. Sadly, Arthur gets sick and dies at 15.

2. Seven years pass... Henry's Dad kicks the bucket and Henry becomes King of England at 17.

3. Henry marries Katherine of Aragon. Correct. His dead brother's wife.  This was actually pretty nice of him as Katherine's future wasn't looking too bright. However, question marks start to appear on Katherine's ability to give Henry a son and he starts to doubt his decision to marry her (bad husband behaviour right there).

More to come...

Disclaimer: I am reading a novel (based on fact but, still, a novel) and am providing updates from that. I offer my heartfelt apologies to  anyone who has actually studied Tudor history or has any real knowledge on this topic.

Adventures at the self checkout

Let me begin by saying that I am a very loyal Coles supermarket shopper. When they introduced the "You'll love Coles" line (since discontinued) my view was:

Yes. I do love Coles. And I like your confidence that I will continue to love you.

Woolworths, IGA and Foodworks have done nothing to offend or upset me but, somehow, through the mysterious powers of marketing and branding, Coles has won my loyal custom.

I should also say that I take pleasure in supermarket shopping. For me, it provides the retail therapy without any level of guilt. My mum can justify almost any food-based purchase with "it's cheaper than takeaway" and I follow her lead on this one.

Last Sunday morning, I was enjoying a visit to our local Coles as I did our weekly "big shop". I noticed that self checkouts were under construction.

As I went through the checkout, I had a conversation with the friendly Coles employee:

Me: So, when will the self checkouts be ready?
Friendly Coles employee: Next week. We have lots of people who buy one or two things so it'll be great, much quicker.
Me: True. I wouldn't want to use them for a big shop though.
Friendly Coles employee: Oh no, you wouldn't use them for a big shop.
Me (assessing the risk of an uprising): And will it mean less employees?
Friendly Coles employee: Yes, because we can have one person to six registers. So, it's a win-win really.

I was impressed by his selfless, positive attitude towards this change and I deemed the risk of an uprising of Coles employees to be very low.

I returned to Coles yesterday to do our big shop and, as promised, the self checkouts were ready to use.

As I had my big shop in my trolley, I searched for a human operated checkout. Sadly, the only human operated checkout that was open was marked "12 items or less".

Hmmmmmmm.

I clearly had more than 12 items ("it's cheaper than takeaway!") but I could not face the self checkout with my more than 12 items.

I decided to chance it with the "12 items or less" lane.

I was quickly approached by a friendly Coles employee.

Friendly Coles employee: Would you like to use the self checkout?
Me: No, thank you. I have my big shop here.
Friendly Coles employee: You'll be okay. Come with me.

I was mildly troubled by this turn of events but, I am open to change, and was confident that the friendly human Coles employee would help me.

He showed me to the self checkout area but then quickly left me to attend to other self checkout related matters.

All began well, but then my self checkout system started to run into trouble.

When I scanned my carton of free-range eggs, it automatically started flashing its red light to cry out for human Coles employee assistance.

When I tried to pay, it cried out for human assistance again. The friendly Coles employee approached.

Friendly Coles employee: Did you try to suspend the sale?
Me: No. I just tried to pay.

I looked around me. There were many people attempting to self checkout their big shops and they were in a sea of flashing red lights. Their human faces were troubled and, oddly, they were apologising to the overworked human Coles employees who came to their assistance.

My three key points on this experience are:

1. If self checkout systems need human assistance, let us ensure there are enough humans to assist them.

2. If humans want to give money to a supermarket in return for food, let us make it easy for them to do that.

3. If introducing a change, let us ensure that, at the very least, the first experience of that change is positive.

Sitting time equals reading time

One thing I have learnt since the birth of Miss E is that a requirement of early parenting is a lot of time spent sitting. Miss E loves to feed during the day and, to do that, I must sit.

Now, I like to sit. I won't complain about it. But when you have to sit for many many hours per day, you need to have something to do.

You can spend some of the time looking at your baby and marvelling at the wonder of new human life but there is only so long you can spend on that.

I have found that a good book is essential to enjoying my sitting time with Miss E.

Three of the books I have read recently while feeding Miss E are:

1. Light a Penny Candle - Maeve Binchy: Ahhh, my old friend Maeve. It is not fashionable to love Maeve, but I do. This one is set in Ireland and London during and after WWII. It is Maeve's debut novel and I loved it. I found myself providing a daily update to Mr. B on the events of Light a Penny Candle. This one also motivated us to take inspiration from post-War London as we raise Miss E - i.e. lots of sardines on toast, listening to the radio and sing-alongs at the piano (note to self: must buy piano).

2. Afterwards - Rosamund Lupton. Oh, I loved this one. I would call it a thriller but it was the beautiful depiction of the relationship between a mother and her children that had me in tears at the end. Disclaimer: It may be "I've been a mum for five months" hormones that caused me to react so strongly to this book. I lent it to my Dad and his response was: "Hmmmmmmmm, it's okay". Right then. I read Afterwards after reading Rosamund Lupton's debut novel - Sister - which I also highly recommend. Both Afterwards and Sister were recommended to me by Amazon after I read reviews for another great debut novel - Before I Go To Sleep. Thank you Amazon, your recommendations were outstanding. And thank you to my local library who supplied all of these books to me for free.

3. Bossypants - Tina Fey. Tina Fey, I love you. My favourite chapter was "A Mother's Prayer for Her Child" which you can read yourself by clicking right here.

So, my three key points on this topic are:

1. Feeding a baby = sitting.

2. Sitting quickly becomes boring without something to do.

3. Find a fun activity that you can do while sitting. Reading is a good one.

Thermomixing it up

Last night, I left the house. Yes, I did. I left the house, on my own and it was night-time. I have only achieved this twice (and I am including last night in that count) since Miss E was born five months ago.

I jumped in the car and headed off to the home of a fellow mum and member of the same mothers' group. I had been invited to attend a Thermomix demonstration.

I had never heard of this Thermomix contraption before but a quick Google revealed that it is "the world's most advanced kitchen appliance".

Interesting.

Before leaving the house...
Mr. B: Should I keep your credit card here with me? Ha ha ha!
Me: No. Ha ha ha!

At the Thermomix demonstration...
Me: Oh, this is amazing!
Me: Oh, the kids would love this! (NB: I only have one child and she doesn't eat solid food yet).
Me: I WOULD love to make my own stock!

The Thermomix truly was amazing. I swear, at one point, the demo lady threw in a whole apple and produced a coleslaw with homemade mayonnaise.

The Thermomix was also pricey. I would have to sell our fridge, oven, dishwasher and microwave to fund the purchase.

Before the credit card could come to any real danger, Mr. B called to advise that we had a Priority 1 at home (i.e. Miss E was initiating the grizzling process and was escalating to her alarm cry at a rapid rate).

On returning home and while working to resolve the Priority 1, I watched part of The Gruen Transfer.

A comment was made that advertising attempts to achieve this equation: Actual Self + Brand = Ideal Self.

The Thermomix demo was definitely appealing to my Ideal Self. My Ideal Self would happily produce strawberry sorbet and homebaked bread on a regular basis. My Actual Self could not justify this purchase.

So, my three key points:

1. Thermomix is amazing. If you ever see one in action, prepare to be amazed. Apple to coleslaw. I still don't know how she did that.

2. Thermomix is expensive. Leave your credit card at home if your tired Actual Self can be swayed by a convincing demo lady who is feeding you.

3. Leaving the house on one's own, at night-time is exciting. Do it once in a while.