Secrets of a football supporter's wife

When I met Mr. B, he adopted a policy of full disclosure... he informed me, very early on, that he supports the Collingwood Football Club.

For those who may not be aware, Collingwood (also known as "The Magpies" or "The Pies") is an Australian rules football club which plays in the Australian Football League (AFL).

As Wikipedia explains, Collingwood has retained the reputation in the national competition as the "team everybody loves to hate".

When I met Mr. B, my feelings towards AFL could best be described as indifferent. I know that this is how my feelings could best be described because I checked thesaurus.com to see if they were any better adjectives and "indifferent" was the best.

Mr. B's feelings for Collingwood can best be described with words that are antonyms for indifferent: attached, caring, loving, passionate, ardent. You get the idea.

Over the course of my relationship with Mr. B, my AFL knowledge has increased by approximately 98%. It is worth noting that it is quite easy for something to increase by 98% when you start from a very, very low base.

Through my relationship with Mr. B, I have become a member of the so-called "Magpie Army". I am proud to be in the army but, let's face it, if this was a real army, I'd be working a full-time job and going along to Army Reserves now and again. I don't think they'd be sending me out to the front line.

I have some secrets about my support for the Pies that I think it is time to share:

Secret #1: Was that a goal? What just happened?
Image source

Before I tell you my secret, I'd like to share some of my football knowledge with you. In AFL, if you kick the ball between the two tall posts, you get six points. If you kick it between the outer posts, you get one point.

My secret is this: I can never tell which posts the ball has gone between.

I have to wait for the response from others before I cheer or shake my head in frustration. A good rule is this: if the players start giving each other manly hugs, then it is time to cheer.

To be honest, I don't feel too bad about this one. It seems to me that sometimes goal umpires can't tell either. On Saturday, the Pies were given six points when they didn't kick it between the two tall posts (the ball hit the post which means one point... how do you like my knowledge?). My advice would be that if you can't tell which posts the ball has gone between, don't be a goal umpire.


Secret #2: Who is that?
Image source 

Mr. B knows the name of every player. His cheering is very personal and very specific (e.g. "Go Leon!", "Kick a goal, Trav!").

When I first met Mr. B, I was very keen to impress. I decided that one way to impress him would be to show him that I cared enough about the Pies to also be very personal and specific in my cheering.

My problem was that I didn't know the names of any of the players. So, I listened to Mr. B. He used two names which were familiar to me: Heath and Dale. I knew these names because they were also the names of software developers that I worked with at the time. So, at every match, I enthusiastically cheered on Heath and Dale. But I didn't know who they were. In my mind, I was cheering on my software developer buddies.

Please note that the two people in the picture above are football players not software developers; I am sure they are also very nice even if they are less familiar with the Microsoft .NET framework.

Secret #3: I am in love with a silver fox
This is actually not a secret. I am very vocal about my feelings on this topic. I talk about it with Mr. B and Mr. B's mum. I am in love with this man:
Image source

There is something about Mick's silver foxiness that is irresistible to me. I have seen photos of Mick as a young man - with brown hair - and he does nothing for me. On Saturday, the Pies lost the Grand Final but the news that really broke my heart was that Mick won't be taking up the Director of Coaching position at the Pies. I'm sure we haven't seen the last of Mick though. I love you Mick!

My three key points:

1. Even though I can't always tell when they have kicked a goal, I support the Pies. Please don't love to hate me.

2. If you drew a Venn diagram and AFL footballers were in one circle and software developers were in the other, the area of overlap would be quite small but Heath and Dale would be in there and I would be cheering for them.

3. I love you Mick, you foxy minx.